The apple does not fall far

Jamie Lynne Spears... Brit's kid sister... Is pregnant again...
Hang on a second.
ahh ha ha ha ha haaah aahh hhaaaa haah ahhha hhhaaah haaa haa ha ah aha haa aha ahhha ahh hahaaa
Sorry, I fell out of my chair laughing. I know teen pregnancy is nothing to laugh at, but Jesus Christ, WTF is wrong with that family. I know this may sound like part 3 of my plan for global domination, but I can assure you that the Spears family is not part of the master plan, but slowly becoming the master race though... hmmmm. Where is Joe Simpson when we need him most.
But wait a second... maybe if we fill the world with Spears' we can use them to fight in wars, work at fast food joints, clean shit up, etc... Like our own clone army of Spears'. And just think when one Spears goes down, it's not long for it to be replaced by another. We can have them just mass produce and use them as currency. Oh, how much for the Snicker bar... that will be 2 Spears. See how it works.
Well, I think I just solved another world problem... thank you very much.
Now, If I can just get Canada to take back Celine Dion and Brian Adams we will be all set.

God Bless Sid and Marty

I just got into this crazy message train with Marie, Barbara and Jill (All hot of course) and we were rapping about the greatest kids shows ever... It was Sid and Marty Krofft's drug induced world of sea monsters, dinosaurs, superheroes, gay kids singing about crap and the acidic world of puffnstuff.
I now understand why we are all fucked up... I blame those genius' who brought us into the magical world of HR Puffnstuff, Sigmund and the Sea Monsters ( Johnny and Scott were actually lovers not just friends ) The Bugaloos, LidsVille, Land of the Lost ( they are working on the movie by the way ) and Electro Woman and Dyna Girl ( got me through puberty )
These were the greatest shows of all time and we will never see anything like it again.
Slee Stak's scared the shit out of me, and I always wished Chaka would have gotten eaten by Alice. ( Little hairy bastard )
As I have gotten older, I realized that the only way to enjoy these shows, was to be HHHIIIGHHH!!! I don't condone the use of drugs, but in this case it is very, very acceptable.
I am working on a get together so we can all get stoned and lock ourselves in a room and watch the box sets in full HD and surround sound. Wow... that sounds so good.. please respond if you are in.
And please come dressed as your favorite character... Now where did I put my Holly costume.

Much Respect to Dave Part 2

Did you really think I was going to let that previous post go without some witty comment... Jeez
So here is my spin on the whole David Duchovny thing... I think he got busted by his wife Tea Leoni or however the fuck you spell her name, and since he got caught, he pleaded that it was an addiction and needed help just to get out of a messy divorce. Fuck he is smart. Plus she has pretty much hit the wall anyway.. she did that one movie a long time ago with Martin Lawrence and Will Smith... shit what was it called.... Oh, Bad Boys. She looked hot then, but now she is a little on the haggard side. Not that she is totally off the charts now, but holy crap, age did not treat her well. Almost as if she lost a bet to the devil or something.
Now I have to ask, and would love some feedback on this.. what guy isn't addicted to porn or sex? or for that matter, don't woman also suffer from this addiction?
I mean, what is the big deal, he was watching some adult movies on his computer and taking care of himself. OMG... call the fucken cops!!! I would rather have him home doing that then out there on the streets setting fires to churches.
If you really think about it the average person probably thinks about sex and being intimate at least 100 times a day. I would rather think of that instead of some of the other nightmares that are going on around the world. Mmmm just had a bite of a really good banana. Nothing sexual, just having a snack.... get your mind out of the gutter.
Anyway, let's make love and not war... damn that sounds really cliche' I will have to think of something to fix that later on.

Much Respect to Dave

I have to give some respect to David Duchovny for completing his rehab for addiction to pornography. I am sure it was a difficult thing for not only himself, but for his family to go through. So props to Dave for the good work.

Global Domination

My quest for global domination is almost complete. There is a headline on MSN today that reads:
'Bra Bandit' strikes again in southwest Florida
The suspect walked out of a Victoria Secret store with 160 bras
My plans are working effortlessly...
Now for the second wave of dominance, to get all the Kit Kats out of the Shell Stations in
Albuquerque.
(Insert Evil Laugh Here)

I never want to take medication

It finally dawned on me that all commercials for prescription medications are horrifying. If you pay close attention at the end like I do, they list all the side effects of the specfic drug. Holy shit... I just watched a commercial for some hormonal ring used for birth control, and to be very honest, I would rather get pregnant than have to suffer the following...Nausea, Dizziness,Depression,Heart Murmurs, Loss of Hair, Chronic Dhiarrea, Hallucinations, Seeing Bigfoot, Strokes, Embelisms, Death and Headaches. You got to be fucking kidding me. Is it worth it to suffer through all that for a little nookie... the nookie... so you can take that cookie... and stick it up your @ss. ( my friend Jason now owes me 20 bucks because he said I couldn't work in a Limp Bizkit lyric into a blog ) Choke on that my friend.
So I have to question the drug companies on what they are doing... Can't we just take our medication and not fear fiery dhiarrea or chronic projectile vommiting. I am all for birth control, but if Jamie was suffering through all of these above mentioned effects, chances are.. I am not getting any that night. Unless of course the nurse in the morgue is really hot.

Balloons of the lord

If you have seen my new pics on facebook, you may have noticed that I attended my first "small town" type street fair in Lewisville,Tx called Western Days. The closest you would get to this in LA would be the gay pride parade I would assume. The people here are very proud of their little towns and everyone here seems to know one another. It is a very family oriented deal. Normally I would have entertained this with my cynical "tude" but my daughters had a great time and Jamie and her younger sister had a great time, which in turn made me have a good time. Everyone was smiling and having a good time, and almost everyone had a ballon which was pretty cool to see. I really wanted a blue balloon because I remember this really cool girl in High School named Dawn that loved balloons, especially blue ones. So I got in thinking of her. Now, the free ballon stand I took the kids to was for a church who also gave out bracelets to the kids. Of course, you don't get anything in this world for free... There was a nice older gentlemen handing out ballons, along with a crash course on how Jesus died for our sins...yada yada yada. Churchin is a big part of life here. Not that I was offended on what the balloon reverend had to say, I just wanted to get the balloons so we could go get snow cones. It was hot enough where a snow cone took precedent over the teachings of the bible. So we took our ballons of the lord and kept on a movin to the snow cone stand. Now everyone had a balloon as far as I could tell and all I wondered was, did these thousands of people have to sit through a mini course in the bible to get a balloon. I mean really, what does a balloon cost... a penny a nickle. Is it worth all that time spent getting preached to, for just a balloon ? I really don't think so. I believe I am going to set up a table, right next to the churches table, and tell every passer by that they can have one of my balloons and don't have to listen to any preaching. Of course I will probably just get lynched in this town for doing that. Did you know that most stores in Texas don't open til 1pm on Sundays, and some don't open at all because it is a church day. So now I am walking around with my balloon like a proud papa, until I caught a reflection of myself in a store front window... Holy Shit!! I looked like a retard... ooops... sorry, mentally challenged american. I have made a point to be more kind when it comes to that word after seeing The Ringer with Johnny Knoxville. That was a funny movie. So after realizing that I looked like a tard... shit.. did it again. Mentally Chalenged American... better... I had no choice but to let it go just to regain my pride, not that tards (damn..sorry) aren't proud. My daughter Summer, who is only five, and really adorable, asked why I let it go?? I told her that I just felt stupid carrying it. And of course, she followed suit and let hers go too. She later told me she felt stupid too... God I love her... She needs her own blog.