Much Respect to Dave Part 2

Did you really think I was going to let that previous post go without some witty comment... Jeez
So here is my spin on the whole David Duchovny thing... I think he got busted by his wife Tea Leoni or however the fuck you spell her name, and since he got caught, he pleaded that it was an addiction and needed help just to get out of a messy divorce. Fuck he is smart. Plus she has pretty much hit the wall anyway.. she did that one movie a long time ago with Martin Lawrence and Will Smith... shit what was it called.... Oh, Bad Boys. She looked hot then, but now she is a little on the haggard side. Not that she is totally off the charts now, but holy crap, age did not treat her well. Almost as if she lost a bet to the devil or something.
Now I have to ask, and would love some feedback on this.. what guy isn't addicted to porn or sex? or for that matter, don't woman also suffer from this addiction?
I mean, what is the big deal, he was watching some adult movies on his computer and taking care of himself. OMG... call the fucken cops!!! I would rather have him home doing that then out there on the streets setting fires to churches.
If you really think about it the average person probably thinks about sex and being intimate at least 100 times a day. I would rather think of that instead of some of the other nightmares that are going on around the world. Mmmm just had a bite of a really good banana. Nothing sexual, just having a snack.... get your mind out of the gutter.
Anyway, let's make love and not war... damn that sounds really cliche' I will have to think of something to fix that later on.

Much Respect to Dave

I have to give some respect to David Duchovny for completing his rehab for addiction to pornography. I am sure it was a difficult thing for not only himself, but for his family to go through. So props to Dave for the good work.

Global Domination

My quest for global domination is almost complete. There is a headline on MSN today that reads:
'Bra Bandit' strikes again in southwest Florida
The suspect walked out of a Victoria Secret store with 160 bras
My plans are working effortlessly...
Now for the second wave of dominance, to get all the Kit Kats out of the Shell Stations in
Albuquerque.
(Insert Evil Laugh Here)

I never want to take medication

It finally dawned on me that all commercials for prescription medications are horrifying. If you pay close attention at the end like I do, they list all the side effects of the specfic drug. Holy shit... I just watched a commercial for some hormonal ring used for birth control, and to be very honest, I would rather get pregnant than have to suffer the following...Nausea, Dizziness,Depression,Heart Murmurs, Loss of Hair, Chronic Dhiarrea, Hallucinations, Seeing Bigfoot, Strokes, Embelisms, Death and Headaches. You got to be fucking kidding me. Is it worth it to suffer through all that for a little nookie... the nookie... so you can take that cookie... and stick it up your @ss. ( my friend Jason now owes me 20 bucks because he said I couldn't work in a Limp Bizkit lyric into a blog ) Choke on that my friend.
So I have to question the drug companies on what they are doing... Can't we just take our medication and not fear fiery dhiarrea or chronic projectile vommiting. I am all for birth control, but if Jamie was suffering through all of these above mentioned effects, chances are.. I am not getting any that night. Unless of course the nurse in the morgue is really hot.

Balloons of the lord

If you have seen my new pics on facebook, you may have noticed that I attended my first "small town" type street fair in Lewisville,Tx called Western Days. The closest you would get to this in LA would be the gay pride parade I would assume. The people here are very proud of their little towns and everyone here seems to know one another. It is a very family oriented deal. Normally I would have entertained this with my cynical "tude" but my daughters had a great time and Jamie and her younger sister had a great time, which in turn made me have a good time. Everyone was smiling and having a good time, and almost everyone had a ballon which was pretty cool to see. I really wanted a blue balloon because I remember this really cool girl in High School named Dawn that loved balloons, especially blue ones. So I got in thinking of her. Now, the free ballon stand I took the kids to was for a church who also gave out bracelets to the kids. Of course, you don't get anything in this world for free... There was a nice older gentlemen handing out ballons, along with a crash course on how Jesus died for our sins...yada yada yada. Churchin is a big part of life here. Not that I was offended on what the balloon reverend had to say, I just wanted to get the balloons so we could go get snow cones. It was hot enough where a snow cone took precedent over the teachings of the bible. So we took our ballons of the lord and kept on a movin to the snow cone stand. Now everyone had a balloon as far as I could tell and all I wondered was, did these thousands of people have to sit through a mini course in the bible to get a balloon. I mean really, what does a balloon cost... a penny a nickle. Is it worth all that time spent getting preached to, for just a balloon ? I really don't think so. I believe I am going to set up a table, right next to the churches table, and tell every passer by that they can have one of my balloons and don't have to listen to any preaching. Of course I will probably just get lynched in this town for doing that. Did you know that most stores in Texas don't open til 1pm on Sundays, and some don't open at all because it is a church day. So now I am walking around with my balloon like a proud papa, until I caught a reflection of myself in a store front window... Holy Shit!! I looked like a retard... ooops... sorry, mentally challenged american. I have made a point to be more kind when it comes to that word after seeing The Ringer with Johnny Knoxville. That was a funny movie. So after realizing that I looked like a tard... shit.. did it again. Mentally Chalenged American... better... I had no choice but to let it go just to regain my pride, not that tards (damn..sorry) aren't proud. My daughter Summer, who is only five, and really adorable, asked why I let it go?? I told her that I just felt stupid carrying it. And of course, she followed suit and let hers go too. She later told me she felt stupid too... God I love her... She needs her own blog.

Hey Brittany

My little Brit has a sex tape out there... why is this not shocking to me.. About 6 years ago, she comes out on MTV when they played music and everyone was loving her. Now she is a train wreck and more fun to watch then a seisure. I have had her in my death pool for this year, and she may make it... dammit!! So she has a sex tape.. who doesn't. It's a right of passage for young starlets.. Paris, Pamela ,Kim, Screech... and now Brit. Will I buy it... duh!! of course. I have to add it to my collection. I do not condone someone stealing someone else's personal things for gain, but I do get frequent points on my credit card , so I have to use them.
I don't feel bad for her or her kids or her family. I just think the whole thing is funny. I never would have guessed, in a million years that K-Fed was the normal one. Kudos to Kev.... I said Kudos again.. (see previous posting)
As for you my little Brit Brit... I am looking forward to seeing you as a contestant on the new Gong Show soon. Keep up the good work.

I'm Just a Bill

So I read on MSN today that the House passed the bailout bill, now Ol' Dubya just has to sign it. Which means one thing... a quick dip in the crayola box for his favorite color... perrywinkle.
I will lay even money that he has no idea what he is signing. He heard the words bailout and imediately thought "Oh great, what did my daughters do now"
By the way, his daughters are pretty hot. Plus they party, so you know you have a chance...
Anyway, I was just thinking of Palin again... I can see her doing a Maxim cover if she does not get into the office. Or at least guns & ammo. I mean, she did kill a moose. A moose?? Really.. are they that hard to take down. For the most part it just stands there, can't be that hard to kill something that is just standing there. It's like hunting a cow or a mailbox. Not much sport in that. Now if you told me she shot a bigfoot or a humpback whale, I may be a little more impressed. Those things at least move and put up more of a challenge.
Did you know that according to the map I have, Alaska and Russia are only about an inch and a half away from each other. I never knew that. I thought it was closer to England or something.
Also, I saw some pics of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini on msn today. Wow, she looks great. Do you think Brad Pitt is kicking himself in the ass right now. I mean that Jolie broad is insane.
I got lost in the mall a few weeks back and she tried to adopt me. Brad, that poor bastard has to vacation in 3rd world hell holes just so she can pick out more kids. He should totally leave her. What the fuck was he thinking. I know he wanted to have kids, but 7 of them, and all of them different everything. What the hell must dinner be like in that house. I think two of the kids don't even speak english.. They just make that clicking noise like Starvin Marvin from South Park... Clicking noises are funny.