Happy Halloween?

So we made it to another holiday on the ol' calender and it is one of the top 3 of the year. The others being X-mas and Canadian Flag Day. I love Halloween and everything about it. I am a big horror fan and love to be scared, just not a lot out there that scares me. The influx of horror movies over the last 20 years has just lost it's umph. You really have to see some fucked up shit to be startled anymore. We as a nation are pretty numb to scary movies because we have seen it all from Jason to Michael to Freddie and now that homo from the Saw movies.
I just know that I need to write, direct and star in my own movie. I even have a great working title..."Fucked Up Shit" it would just be different segments of Fucked Up Shit... of course there would be:
Midgets,Goats,Hookers,Bass Fisherman,The other guy from the original American Idol,Snakes,Monsters,Mexicans,Chainsaws,The lady that works at the animal shelter that you are not sure is a guy or a girl (you know the one) Pointy Objects,Blood&Guts, Smurfs, Cheese,
Ice Cream Trucks,Chong,A Wood Chipper, Andrew Ridgely(the other dude from Wham)Rhea Perlman(she just popped in my head for some reason) Japanese Tourists, Paris Hilton (duh) Hot Mcdonalds Coffee, Brains, Spleens,McDreamy, A Copy Us Magazine, A Clock,Explosions,Ghosts,Goblins,Witches,Warlocks,Vince Vaughn in a Dominatrix Costume,A Cell Phone,Cheerios,Gates of Hell, Fire, Demons, Ashton Kutcher,Lost Keys,Puppies,Massacre,Torture,Hot Wax on the Nips, Rob Zombie, A Turtle, A Stapler, Some Bananas, Phlegm,Ooze,Fog, Dancing Girls, More Midgets and of course ME.

I think I can pitch this and get a PG-13... Please let me know what you would like to add?

Thanks,
MGMT

For Scott

Some of us have friends that will be there for them through thick and thin, friends who you can totally confide in, friends that will help you and offer their advice and support... the following conversations took place with a friend that is none of the above...

DS: I don't know what to do, I think I am going to lose my job and just don't know what to do.
ME: really, oh man that sucks. I am sorry to hear that. Can you give me a ride to the bank at lunch, I don't want to put the extra miles on my benz.
DS: But I am afraid I am going to be broke and have a family to support.
ME: (working on a calculator) If I sell my house, cash in my stocks... this is what I would have.
DS: But what does that have to do with me.
ME: I have this.... I have that... (still clicking away on the calculator) and then I get an inheritence for another 80K so I will really have this, oh, and I still get the money from my grandmothers house, so really I have this much now.

DS: I am getting a divorce and losing everything that I had
ME: me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
DS: ????
ME: me me me me me me me (taking calculator out again and clicking away) me me me
DS: ????
ME: I have this, this and this... me me me me me me me
DS: ????
ME: (clicking away still on the calculator) and after the stock splits, I get this, this and this... me me me me

DS: you wanna have lunch today?
ME: I got up at 3am on Saturday to play golf.
DS: Lunch, do you want to eat it?
ME: I go to the golf course early so I can get a tee time early for the next week too.
DS: Food, Comer??? SI'?
ME: I get there early, have my starbucks and smoke. me me me me me me me me me me
DS: ?????
ME: I just added a calculator to my golf bag so I can tally what I have at any given moment on the course.
DS: ????
ME: I shot an 86, all while holding a cigarette in one hand and a coffee in the other and using a calculator to see how much I have in the bank after each hole... me me me me me me


Thank you for being there ME... I still love you.

The Addiction

I don't know what it is about this little FB world I have created, but it has become my heroin. I get to work early just so I can do a few bumps before doing my work. And instead of doing my work (sometimes) I am still doing my FB bumps. I used to play on Myspace, and come to think of it, if you are on Myspace and I am on Myspace, doesn't that make it Ourspace. So a big FUCK YOU goes out to Tom. (myspace creator) Everyone is ditching your lame site and moving on. It is still good to have a profile on Myspace, but somehow FB is just more satisfying.
So while I am curled up on the floor shaking with my laptop, just trying to get my high on FB, I will always remember what it was like before. Wait, I can't remember what it was like before FB.. I need help.

A FB SHOUT OUT

This is just a shout out to all the great people I have re-connected with on Facebook. I cannot get over how amazing everyone is and have had the most fun messing around with all of you.
So in no particular order... well at least the order everyone is listed on my friends list... I want to throw out some Friday love to :
Donna, Devra, Marco, Sharon, Coni, Azize, Marc, Tina, Kevin, Gluck, Coop, Rabbi C., Patrick, Barbara, Tali, Deanna, Jennifer, Debbie, Nani, Ohlberg, Michelle O. ,Ginny, Dawn, Jeremi, Aaron, Jeannette, Stacy, Stacey, Moshe, Brian , Soucy, Steven Brody, Marie, Jilly, Barb Tots, Chris V., Margarita, Ron, Teresa... and of course Nik (everyone should have a Nik in their life) Karl (love from papa bear...) and Scotty D. (Mi Familia)
thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
YOU ALL ROCK!!!
Now stop wasting your time reading this and get back to work.
I love you all

New Flavors

The following is just a list of Pop Tart flavors I have submitted to the Kellog Company:
Salmon-Berry (Marie's Fav)
Brown Sugar and Asparagus
Chicken
Chocolate and Wild Rice
Cinnamon and Flour
Apples and Beans
Vinegar
Vegitarian
Suasage and Sprinkes
Trout
Pepsi
Marshmellow and Green Beans
Coffee and Cigarettes
Egg Roll
Jack Daniels and Cigarettes
Starburst Candy
Fudge and Sea Bass
Turtle Soup
CousCous
Lasagna
Shrimp and Cherries.

The apple does not fall far

Jamie Lynne Spears... Brit's kid sister... Is pregnant again...
Hang on a second.
ahh ha ha ha ha haaah aahh hhaaaa haah ahhha hhhaaah haaa haa ha ah aha haa aha ahhha ahh hahaaa
Sorry, I fell out of my chair laughing. I know teen pregnancy is nothing to laugh at, but Jesus Christ, WTF is wrong with that family. I know this may sound like part 3 of my plan for global domination, but I can assure you that the Spears family is not part of the master plan, but slowly becoming the master race though... hmmmm. Where is Joe Simpson when we need him most.
But wait a second... maybe if we fill the world with Spears' we can use them to fight in wars, work at fast food joints, clean shit up, etc... Like our own clone army of Spears'. And just think when one Spears goes down, it's not long for it to be replaced by another. We can have them just mass produce and use them as currency. Oh, how much for the Snicker bar... that will be 2 Spears. See how it works.
Well, I think I just solved another world problem... thank you very much.
Now, If I can just get Canada to take back Celine Dion and Brian Adams we will be all set.

God Bless Sid and Marty

I just got into this crazy message train with Marie, Barbara and Jill (All hot of course) and we were rapping about the greatest kids shows ever... It was Sid and Marty Krofft's drug induced world of sea monsters, dinosaurs, superheroes, gay kids singing about crap and the acidic world of puffnstuff.
I now understand why we are all fucked up... I blame those genius' who brought us into the magical world of HR Puffnstuff, Sigmund and the Sea Monsters ( Johnny and Scott were actually lovers not just friends ) The Bugaloos, LidsVille, Land of the Lost ( they are working on the movie by the way ) and Electro Woman and Dyna Girl ( got me through puberty )
These were the greatest shows of all time and we will never see anything like it again.
Slee Stak's scared the shit out of me, and I always wished Chaka would have gotten eaten by Alice. ( Little hairy bastard )
As I have gotten older, I realized that the only way to enjoy these shows, was to be HHHIIIGHHH!!! I don't condone the use of drugs, but in this case it is very, very acceptable.
I am working on a get together so we can all get stoned and lock ourselves in a room and watch the box sets in full HD and surround sound. Wow... that sounds so good.. please respond if you are in.
And please come dressed as your favorite character... Now where did I put my Holly costume.