Wishes and Dreams

Wishes and Dreams are often viewed as a persons way to hope for something that they need or want. It is wonderful to have wishes, dreams and hopes, but lets face it... they are not all coming true no matter how hard we wish or hope or dream. Hot Pockets make a good breakfast pocket by the way.
I think what we are over looking about these wishes and how to obtain them... we are not utilizing Geenies or Leprachauns like we should.... Now I know you are saying "Dave, Hot Pockets are not a healthy breakfast choice" and I agree, but sometimes you just have a craving for something like that.
You are probably also saying " Dave, Geenies and Leprachauns are not real!" Well if I can't prove that they are, then you cannot prove that they aren't. So if we are meeting in the middle on this subject, then you have just as good of a chance of catching a geenie or a leprachaun and getting your 3 wishes as you do hoping and dreaming and wishing.
Man... this is a tasty hot pocket.
So with all that being said, I think we need to turn our attention to the locating and using of the geenie and the leprachauns. " Dave, how do we find them"
Well I can't answer everything, but I am sure there are alot of places to start checking.... Maybe we all need to do a little research and go on an expedition to find one.
This morning I could have sworn I saw a Leprachaun, turns out it was only a midget.
Did you know that if you get into a fight with a midget and lose, you become one....
So be careful in your search... the Leprachaun you may have found could be a little person, or vertically challenged american is what they like to be called I believe.
And if you find a Geenie, it may also just be a gay guy... or Homoamerican. Got to be PC now with a Black President... Or in latin... Africanus Inchargus.

For Scott Part 2

So last week I posted about some typical conversations I had with a close friend of mine... Well, I was unable to recover a few more for your reading pleasure:

DS: I am really worried about losing my house, I just cannot afford the mortgage anymore and maybe foreclosed on.
ME: (removing calculator from it's holster) Click Click Click.... If I sell my house, cash in all my stocks, leave my wife....Click Click Click.... I would have $532,968.23
DS: How does that help me?
ME: And then, Click Click Click.... I get my inheritance for another 80K after taxes which really puts me at...Click Click Click....$612,968.23 (go ahead and do the math if you want to...mgmt)
I can get a small apartment and use stacks of twenties as furniture.
DS: Why would you do all that?
ME: Why Not!!! memememmemememememememememememememememememememe

SD: I have a great idea...
DS: What is it?
ME: Click Click Click
SD: We pool all our resources and go into business for ourselves. Since we do all the work, we may as well reap all the benefits. We can work from home and be our own bosses.
DS: I love it... but how can we afford to do this?
ME: Click Click Click
SD: We would need ME to put up the money in the beginning to get things going, and then ME would get the largest percentage of the profits until his initial investment is returned.
ME: HUH!!!
DS: We can do it, even if we just earn what we are getting now... we are still doing it ourselves.
ME: HUH!
SD: Exactly
ME: Click Click Click... I would need to discuss this with my wife.
DS: You mean the one you plan on leaving every day of the week.
SD Exactly
ME: I thought about it... and NO! NO WAY... Click Click Click
DS: Why Not?
SD: Why Not?
ME: Why!!!
ME: me me me me me me me me me me me me me me (driving off in his new Benz)
Epilogue: The results of this partnership being squashed... two divorces, two homes lost, a move out of state and a combined year of unemployment. Thanks Me!!! click click click.
And BTW... it would have worked.

SD: I just cannot get to work on time anymore, no matter what time I leave, I am late.
DS: I am sorry, I will do my best to cover for you until you get in.
ME: Click Click Click.... where is SD (looking at his watch... it's 10am) I need him to get here and do his job so I can get paid.
DS: He is on his way, he had to take care of his mom.
ME: His mom??? Can't she take care of herself? Click Click Click... this is costing me money and time. I need to get outside for a smoke...
DS: He will be here, don't worry.
SD: (calling from his cell) I am around the corner and will be right there.
DS: Hey ME... he will be here in a second... ME... ME... where the hell is ME now?
Oh look, he is in Glynne's (name changed to protect the innocent) office... what the hell is she crying about now..
SD: (at his desk) Where is ME?
DS: I think he has been in Weepy's office for the last 3 hours.
SD: I have the info he needs, can you get him out of there?
DS: (on paging system) ME... you have a call on line one... I think it is the bank.
ME: (crashing through door of Weepy's office and racing at top speed to his phone) me me me memem me me me mem me em me me me me
DS: I thought that would get him out of there...
SD: Exactly

Thanks to the R.O. Players.. ME, SD and DS.

Happy Halloween?

So we made it to another holiday on the ol' calender and it is one of the top 3 of the year. The others being X-mas and Canadian Flag Day. I love Halloween and everything about it. I am a big horror fan and love to be scared, just not a lot out there that scares me. The influx of horror movies over the last 20 years has just lost it's umph. You really have to see some fucked up shit to be startled anymore. We as a nation are pretty numb to scary movies because we have seen it all from Jason to Michael to Freddie and now that homo from the Saw movies.
I just know that I need to write, direct and star in my own movie. I even have a great working title..."Fucked Up Shit" it would just be different segments of Fucked Up Shit... of course there would be:
Midgets,Goats,Hookers,Bass Fisherman,The other guy from the original American Idol,Snakes,Monsters,Mexicans,Chainsaws,The lady that works at the animal shelter that you are not sure is a guy or a girl (you know the one) Pointy Objects,Blood&Guts, Smurfs, Cheese,
Ice Cream Trucks,Chong,A Wood Chipper, Andrew Ridgely(the other dude from Wham)Rhea Perlman(she just popped in my head for some reason) Japanese Tourists, Paris Hilton (duh) Hot Mcdonalds Coffee, Brains, Spleens,McDreamy, A Copy Us Magazine, A Clock,Explosions,Ghosts,Goblins,Witches,Warlocks,Vince Vaughn in a Dominatrix Costume,A Cell Phone,Cheerios,Gates of Hell, Fire, Demons, Ashton Kutcher,Lost Keys,Puppies,Massacre,Torture,Hot Wax on the Nips, Rob Zombie, A Turtle, A Stapler, Some Bananas, Phlegm,Ooze,Fog, Dancing Girls, More Midgets and of course ME.

I think I can pitch this and get a PG-13... Please let me know what you would like to add?

Thanks,
MGMT

For Scott

Some of us have friends that will be there for them through thick and thin, friends who you can totally confide in, friends that will help you and offer their advice and support... the following conversations took place with a friend that is none of the above...

DS: I don't know what to do, I think I am going to lose my job and just don't know what to do.
ME: really, oh man that sucks. I am sorry to hear that. Can you give me a ride to the bank at lunch, I don't want to put the extra miles on my benz.
DS: But I am afraid I am going to be broke and have a family to support.
ME: (working on a calculator) If I sell my house, cash in my stocks... this is what I would have.
DS: But what does that have to do with me.
ME: I have this.... I have that... (still clicking away on the calculator) and then I get an inheritence for another 80K so I will really have this, oh, and I still get the money from my grandmothers house, so really I have this much now.

DS: I am getting a divorce and losing everything that I had
ME: me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
DS: ????
ME: me me me me me me me (taking calculator out again and clicking away) me me me
DS: ????
ME: I have this, this and this... me me me me me me me
DS: ????
ME: (clicking away still on the calculator) and after the stock splits, I get this, this and this... me me me me

DS: you wanna have lunch today?
ME: I got up at 3am on Saturday to play golf.
DS: Lunch, do you want to eat it?
ME: I go to the golf course early so I can get a tee time early for the next week too.
DS: Food, Comer??? SI'?
ME: I get there early, have my starbucks and smoke. me me me me me me me me me me
DS: ?????
ME: I just added a calculator to my golf bag so I can tally what I have at any given moment on the course.
DS: ????
ME: I shot an 86, all while holding a cigarette in one hand and a coffee in the other and using a calculator to see how much I have in the bank after each hole... me me me me me me


Thank you for being there ME... I still love you.

The Addiction

I don't know what it is about this little FB world I have created, but it has become my heroin. I get to work early just so I can do a few bumps before doing my work. And instead of doing my work (sometimes) I am still doing my FB bumps. I used to play on Myspace, and come to think of it, if you are on Myspace and I am on Myspace, doesn't that make it Ourspace. So a big FUCK YOU goes out to Tom. (myspace creator) Everyone is ditching your lame site and moving on. It is still good to have a profile on Myspace, but somehow FB is just more satisfying.
So while I am curled up on the floor shaking with my laptop, just trying to get my high on FB, I will always remember what it was like before. Wait, I can't remember what it was like before FB.. I need help.

A FB SHOUT OUT

This is just a shout out to all the great people I have re-connected with on Facebook. I cannot get over how amazing everyone is and have had the most fun messing around with all of you.
So in no particular order... well at least the order everyone is listed on my friends list... I want to throw out some Friday love to :
Donna, Devra, Marco, Sharon, Coni, Azize, Marc, Tina, Kevin, Gluck, Coop, Rabbi C., Patrick, Barbara, Tali, Deanna, Jennifer, Debbie, Nani, Ohlberg, Michelle O. ,Ginny, Dawn, Jeremi, Aaron, Jeannette, Stacy, Stacey, Moshe, Brian , Soucy, Steven Brody, Marie, Jilly, Barb Tots, Chris V., Margarita, Ron, Teresa... and of course Nik (everyone should have a Nik in their life) Karl (love from papa bear...) and Scotty D. (Mi Familia)
thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
YOU ALL ROCK!!!
Now stop wasting your time reading this and get back to work.
I love you all

New Flavors

The following is just a list of Pop Tart flavors I have submitted to the Kellog Company:
Salmon-Berry (Marie's Fav)
Brown Sugar and Asparagus
Chicken
Chocolate and Wild Rice
Cinnamon and Flour
Apples and Beans
Vinegar
Vegitarian
Suasage and Sprinkes
Trout
Pepsi
Marshmellow and Green Beans
Coffee and Cigarettes
Egg Roll
Jack Daniels and Cigarettes
Starburst Candy
Fudge and Sea Bass
Turtle Soup
CousCous
Lasagna
Shrimp and Cherries.